Lance Armstrong

Lance Armstrong  at the 12 Hours of Snowmass mountain bike race in Colorado in Sept. 2008. MIsport photo by Laurie Walsworth.

“I rode, and I rode, and I rode like I had never ridden, punishing my body up and down every hill I could find…I rode when no one else would ride.” Lance Armstrong

This is my body, and I can do whatever I want to it. I can push it. Study it. Tweak it. Listen to it. Everybody wants to know what I’m on. What am I on? I’m on my bike busting my ass six hours a day. What are you on?Lance Armstrong

FROM: TWISTING IN THE WIND PUBLIC RELATIONS

TO: LANCE LIVEWRONG

RE: ROPE-ADOPE-A-OPRAH INTERVIEW

Herr Livewrong,

To prevent your Jan. 17 interview from becoming a cynical, vapid and insulting exercise in self-justification, we suggest you revise your above statements as follows, then thank Opa, immediately walk out and permanently retire to Inuvik near the artic circle in Canada’s Northwest Territories:

“I doped, and I doped and I doped like I had never doped before, filling my body with every illegal substance I could find…I doped when no one else would dope.”

“This is my body, and I can put whatever I want in it. I can use EPO, blood transfusions, and steroids. Everybody wants to know what I’m on. What am I on? I’m on everything all day long.”

Saying anything more or anything less would be unnecessary and insulting.

Insincerely yours,

I.M. Aliar

President, Twisting in the Wind Public Relations

 

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